The Many Faces of the Facebook Like Button

I have always studied the human condition since I was a young lad, trying to figure out why people did what they did. People can be strange creatures indeed, and sometimes just weird, but my conclusion was what drives the human condition more than most things about us is the need for self-expression, ergo la facebook. Facebook has become the most popular single website on the search engines, and one of the best outlets to waste my time. I can sit, watch tv, talk on the phone, build websites, and at the same time, get validated that “I just ate a nice bowl of pinto beans”.

One of the features of the facebook website that we’re all familiar with is the “Like” button. The like button is a little benign link that gives us all that small orgasm of “hey, I am somebody”, and makes me feel important that “I just got a coffee at Starbucks!”, or “Whoopie made a LOL on The View”. Taking a closer look at the facebook like button, I can see many facets to why I think people click on that little bitty damn thing, and the results are interesting if not revealing. The following is some of the reasons that I think people love the like button, and what I ponder is going on in their head.

• I really like the content – this means I appreciate what the status update said, and I want to express this to all of my friends, sealing my own glorious stamp of approval and say vigorously to the world, “you ok dude”.
• I’m taking a crap and using a cell phone that sucks – I really can’t type a status update because of the tiny useless keyboard, and I don’t want anyone to know this so I will “Like” a bunch of post in my news feed.
• I’m on a booty hunt, and trying to hook up – They will facebook stalk a person to the end of God’s green earth(?) and “Like” anything they post. For example, if someone post “I have a hernia and convulsions tonight, and my house is burning down”, they will always get a like from this person.
• I’m waiting at the doctors office and board – I’m afraid to touch the magazines because it looks like some form of dried fluid is on the covers so I’m really not reading any of the status updates closely, and just clicking the like button randomly.
• I’m pissed at my significant other – (also see the booty hunt)I just got into a juvenile argument with my mate so I will find a friend I know that he or she is psychotically jealous of and “Like” all of their post.
• I hate the class I’m taking or asking for exam answers – If I can only figure out if the Tyrannosaurus Rex is asexual(not a pretty picture otherwise by the way), I might make it out of this stupid class with a C-.
• I had too much caffeine and can’t blink my eyes – I will like anything on facebook at this point including the fan page devoted to the sexual mating habits of the tyrannosaurus rex, possum behavior, or whatever.
• I’m extremely happy and don’t give a damn what I like – Self-explanatory.
• I’m extremely sad and don’t give a damn what I like – Same.
• It’s 4AM and I need a hug – I’m hoping if I like someone’s status update then they will like mine. This is also know as a “reciprocating like”(when you blog, you get to pretend to be an authority, and can make up terms).
• The “Like Orgy” – That’s when a bunch of friends get together, and like the hell out of any status update posted, or comments on the post. “I just flossed my teeth” – “lol, I love that”.
• I hate you like – that’s when I really don’t like you so I will “like” every comment on the page but yours.
• The football or sports like – I see a post about anything positive about my football team, and will “like” it like a hungry zombie looking for brains.
• Friend obsession like- (see football or sports like).
• The sympathy like- I really feel sorry for this poor SOB because their post never gets liked, and will find something on their usually warped page to “like” and make them feel better. “Milking Laboratory Rats Just Got Easier Through New Technology” – “Like”…you get the picture.
• The drunk like – I’m hammered so bad my eyes are crossing and can barely make out the like button so I press it on about anything.
• I just broke up with you like – It’s kind of like mercy sex, but you don’t need to have that “can’t we get back together” conversation after you’re done.

If I really thought about it, I bet there’s some more likes than the ones listed here. I have to wonder if this short link is not only an expression of human behavior on facebook, but actually an expression of our human characteristics of the real offline world too.